The doctor knocked at the hospital door before entering Marys room. Mary called out to come in. The doctor then proceeded to tell Mary to remove all of her clothing after which he gave her a thorough, from top to bottom, front to back, leaving no part of her body untouched, exam. When he had finished, Mary looked the doctor straight in the eye and asked, "Doctor, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," he replied.
Mary asks, "Why did you bother to knock?"
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There Is Only One YOU! Even in stillness there is beauty and life, Even in solitude there is love. What you see and what you feel matters, Who you are and what you will become, is up to you. You are the master of your universe!
Until there is chaos, you don't appreciate the quiet. Until there are crowds, you don't appreciate being alone. Now is the time to reflect and realize what you have. No matter what your lot in life, You are unique.
Take time now to discover yourself, it's never too late. You always have something to contribute. If you are lonely, be a friend, share a smile. For the hectic, find a slice of solitude no matter how small.
Life is not always as it appears, You have the power to alter yours and make a difference. You are rare and unmatched... There is only one you! And YOU are SPECIAL!
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"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina.
"Fifty years," Grandma replied.
"That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?"
"Right Nina. Divorce him, NEVER. Murder his BUTT, lots of times, but never divorce."
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Bob walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes overprinted with hearts. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. Curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks Bob.
The man replies, "I'm a divorce attorney!"
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My friend told me his wife left him and now he can't sleep or eat. I said "Well that's because you really loved her and it'll take time to mend your heart." He replied "No. It's because she took the bed and the fridge."
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WILL NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE Adversity: the story of the butterfly A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appears. He watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerge easily. But it had a swollen body and small shriveled wings. The man expected that, at any moment the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening was God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into his wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly. I ask for strength... and God gave me difficulties to make me strong. I asked for wisdom... and God gave me problems to solve. I ask for prosperities... and God gave me brain and brawn to work. I ask for courage... and God gave me danger to overcome. I ask for love... and God gave me troubled people to help. I ask for favors... and God gave me opportunities. I received nothing I wanted. I received everything I needed.
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A Dating Story A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to SCORE! And to do that you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!" So, he showed up with flowers AND chocolates. She was very flattered and pleased, so she rewarded him with a long passionate kiss. She pressed her body against him and ran her fingers through his hair.. hoping to give him the best kiss he has ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. "Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to get you some jewelry!!"
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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
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Five Belgians in an Audi Quattro arrive at the French border. The French Customs agent stops them and tells them: "It's illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro." "Oh, no, Quattro is just the name of the automobile. Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons." "You can't pull that one on me," replies the French customs agent. "Quattro means 4!" "Oh, you are so stupid! Call your supervisor over!" "He can't come. He's busy with the 2 guys in the Fiat Uno."
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"Five more terrorists have been arrested by the Louisiana State Police. The five terrorists now in custody are: Bin Drinkin, Bin Lyin, Bin Stealin, Bin Smokin, and Bin Workin. It is reported that the state police are hot on the trail of a sixth terrorist by the name of BinDare Dundat."
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KIDS IN CHURCH 3-year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."
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A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
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A. Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife." ~~~~~~~~~~~ After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,"but deliver us some E-mail.Amen."
~~~~~~~~~ And one particular four-year-old prayed,"And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." ~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service,"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied,"Because people are sleeping." ~~~~~~~~~~~ Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." ~~~~~~~~~~~ A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,"Ryan, you be Jesus!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A father was at the beach with his children when the four- year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?" ~~~~~~~~~~~ A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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