"Famous 'Last' Words"
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." --Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ' C,' the idea must be feasible." -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
"Who the h*** wants to hear actors talk?" -- H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." -- Gary Cooper, on his decision to not take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." -- Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." -- Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus.
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." -- Drillers whom Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist in his project to drill for oil in 1859.
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872.
"No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris." -- Orville Wright.....Famous 'Last' Words
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Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no days, no hours or minutes. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear. So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will all expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Your gender, skin color, ethnicity will be irrelevant.
So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave. What will matter is not your success, but your significance. What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage and sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character. What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone. What will matter is not your memories, but the memories of those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.
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Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a
half-hour in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."
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A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
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After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?" The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
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A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
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Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.
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In Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.
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One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT
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A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
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Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians come to Michigan, our states' Tourism Council has adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Michiganers mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the State.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Schnapps is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too--and suckers . You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate goes four ways--. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. You might hit an ore freighter
19. That State Police Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is. Now, enjoy your visit and then go home...ASAP!
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When Clinton was still President, he returned after a weekend trip home to Arkansas, and stepped from the helicopter and onto the White House lawn. He was carrying 2 Arkansas-bred hawgs.
At the bottom of the steps, a young Marine snapped to attention, saluted sharply and said, "Fine looking pigs, sir!". Clinton turned and glared at the boy. "Son, don't you know I'm from Arkansas? These ain't pigs, they're hawgs."
The marine replied, "This Marine begs the COMMANDER IN CHIEF'S pardon, sir. Fine looking hawgs, sir!"
Clinton smiled with pride and the young man relaxed. The President went on, "Thank you son. Now, you see this one here?"...nodding to one of the hawgs under his right arm... "I got this one for Chelsea"...then he nodded to the hawg on his left. "...and got this one here for Hillary."
At that the Marine snapped back to attention and said,
"Outstanding trades, sir'
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The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained.
"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
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