You know, I'm not a very nice person. For everything I give away, I expect something in return. I don't do it conciously - it just happens.
For instance, I love my oldest sister Annie, dearly. I would (and do) do anything for her. I pay half her rent when I haven't lived there in 8 months. I take on all three of her kids every Saturday night (I work Saturday mornings) untill whenever on Sunday. Each paycheck, I buy her something, without even thinking about it just because I love her and am thinking about her.
I call Annie almost every day to hear about her life, even though I've noticed that when it's my turn to talk, she has to go quite suddenly. I listen to her talk about her kids, her boyfriend and our mom. Mom, and my other sister are a little jelous because we seem so close.. They say a lot (so does everyone else) how much she uses me and I defend her.
I love Annie. She is a beautifull person, and the mother of my children. (I probably can't have my own - but I am so close with her's!) She has had such a hard time out of life - and I think that is the biggest reason I love her so much. I'm a sucker for an underdog.
I try to make her life a little happier. I try to make sure that she doesnt have to do without modern day items (I have bought her 2 dvd players, given her 3 computers, and bought her a new cell phone because it had cooler ring tones) because she is a single mother with three kids to raise. I am by no means rich, and my boyfriend and I spend a lot of weeks going from paycheck to paycheck, because I like to buy for Annie and the kids so much.
Don't get me wrong. I love to love them. One of the funnest things I can do is go shopping and pick out little somethings for the four of them. It is more fun to shop for them then it is myself and that is why I do it so often.
Yesturday, I needed a little favor from my sister, though. I don't know what I really expected. Annie doesnt expect me to ask her for help, and I don't think she even realizes what she did. But it hurts me where I live - in my heart.
Someone broke into my appartment on Tuesday. There is no question who it was because they didn't even bother to take anything. They simply listened to the answering machine, erased an important message, deleted caller ID from both phones in my house, and disabled the truck on the way out the door.
This is the same person who drilled holes into the bottom of the gastank on our van, poured gallons of water on the kitchen floor, and left 180 minutes worth of vulgar and threatoning messages on the answering machine back in August. She's broken in when i was in the house and left me hiding in the bathroom because I was scared of her...
Well I called home yesturday to check the messages. It is an obession since our messages were deleted.. I want to get them before she does! The first time there were no messages.. the second time I got a busy signal.. and it stayed busy for 2 hours.
After an hour I got worried. I had pictures in my mind of the dog being gutted and the cat decapitated.. I thought I would come home to find all of the Tv's, my computer and stereo system missing.. I was stressed and unhappy.. So I called my sister.
When I told my sister the first thing she said is a probably hadn't payed the phone bill.. I told her I had the day before.. she just kind of blew me off..
She was 15 minutes away and I was a half hour away. She could of left work and since she works for my mom, they would of been proud of her. I would of been fired to leave on the busiest day of the month after being late and absent so many times already this month.
I didn't ASK her to come over.. I hinted around (What are YOU doing??) and she let me know in no uncertain terms that she was too busy doing paperwork to bother with me..
And it is really no big deal.. the dog had knocked the phone off the hook. But C'mon now..
I have finally figured out what my problem is, though. I give too much, expecting something in return. My sister has never lead me to believe that she would come to my rescue if I needed her. She has only told me that she knows she can count on me to rescue her in any of life's problems. How it changed my life:The sad thing is? It hasn't! I have her daughter tonite.. she has let me know that she wants my carpet cleaner back tomarro.. I spent the night ranting and raving and crying on my boyfriend's shoulder and never said a sorry word to her about it! I am a wimp, afraid of hurting HER feelings, and I don't even know why!
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