Ok, after a very stressful day of playing house nurse.. I landed in my room with a big thud, and just started crying, still crying...
No one understands the amount of stress I am dealing with right now. My job in the house is to care for my mom now that is home from the hospital, take care of my two nephews and baby brother, and run the regualr houseold. this isn't so bad, really, I did all week and all was well. The problem is keeping everyone out of my moms hair so she doesn't get stressed out and freak out, and feel pain.
I am on my own in this one. No one understands, but me. My mom handles EVERYTHING in our house, and EVERYONE goes to Mom when there is trouble. FRom relationships to housecleaning, my mom is the heart of our home. I MISS HER! She is here, but she can't do all those things right now.
So, I am just bearing the brunt of everyones frustrations, while I play bouncer. And I am so ALONE in this task.
I have a new boyfriend, and when I tried talking to him, he just told me I was Whinning. My sisters both have caring boyfriends who they can lean on, my mothers husband leans on her even tho she is in her condition, everyone has someone to confide in, talk to, and lean on but me. I am alone, and no one understands why I am so stressed out.
No one knows I am crying, and no one knows how truly afraid I am.
you know, I walked down the stairs at 11 AM, and no one had fed my poor mother. The only reason I was upstairs that long was because I haven't slept all week. Maybe two or three hours in the last four days till last night.
The first nght my mom came home, I slept on the love seat, while she slept on the couch becasue I was afraid to leave her alone all night. I was crying in pain in the night from the cramps in my legs from the cold and being scrunched up on the loveseat. I don't care tho, it was for my mom. It wasn't like I was sleeping on the floor.
When my mom said she couldn't use proper hygenic methods in the bathroom, because the stitches hurt for her to move, I was the only one who said, "Mom if it has to be done, that is what I am here for, you changed my diapers"
It is so hard for me to see my mom like this, and I am just broken hearted, and tired. This is the first time I REALLY break down and cry, and I can't even "Whine" to my boyfriend about it, Gods forbid I smother him...
I am so alone...
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