Learning from my past...Awesome poem sent to me by a friend... Neko

Learning From My Past

as the days pass slowly
and the weeks creep by
i find myself obsessing
about the ways i could die

i lay awake at night
thinking of my pain
theres no way it could get better
i have nothing left to gain

suddenly thoughts of death
are controlling my every move
and every battle with my mind
i seem to lose

i no longer want to be around
the people that i love
all i can think about is what is waiting up above

i cut my arms with razor blades
to dull the pain inside
but that can only last so long
i don't want to be alive

i manage to keep my composure
when people are around
they wouldnt understand me
so i don't make a sound

i smile when i have to
i break down when i don't
i know i should be strong
but i also know i won't

so i make a plan to take some pills
it shouldnt take too long
i write notes out to all my friends
to read when i am gone

i ask my mom to understand
that life is just to hard
my mind can't fight it anymore
my heart is far too scarred

i plan it out so perfectly
i even set the date
i'm pretty sure i'm ready
i know this is my fate

my bed is made up neatly
as i take them one by one
i start to feel a little scared
i know i'm almost done

all that i can think about
is how i'm letting go
and how much i love my family
i really hope they know

my eyes are getting heavy
my body feels so weak
everything inside is numb thats the way it has to be

i'm glad that mom's not here right now to watch me slowly die
but still i wish i could say
"i love you and good-bye"

i give in to the darkness
i slowly slip away
i hope i go to heaven
where dark night turns to day

i wake up in confusion
i don't know where i am
is this heaven or is it hell
the land of eternally damned?

there are people all around
although i can barely see
i can hear the soothing voices
of people dear to me

my family and friends are here
comforting one another
i can hardly make out any words
untill i hear my mother

each tear she cries feels like a knife
stabbing at my soul
i let my pain and suffering
blind me from my goal

at one point i was determined
to make it through this test
to lead a life of fulfillment
and to do my very best

but somehow i lost all sight of that
i hope she can forgive
i promise not to waste
my second chance to live

i sit up in my hospital bed tears streaming down my cheeks
my mother rushes over crying
like she hasnt seen me in weeks

i tell her that i'm sorry
for causing her so much strife
i tell her that i will succeed
in leading a better life

together we figured out a way
for me to get some help
i know now that i can go to her
instead of doing it myself

i know that its not over yet
its a long road up ahead
but i appreciate the little things
because i could be dead

i've learned to live each passing day
as if it were my last
i look forward to the future
and i'm learnng from my past
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This was written by a 14 year old friend of mine. It made me cry so much because I saw a lot of myself in this poem and I see myself in her and we just barely started talking about 3 hours ago!!!!!! :'(

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