I used to date a guy who had a little girl. Her name was Brianna and I realized, over time, that her mommy didn't want her. She pretty much lived with me and her daddy and I thought we were a happy family.
Brianna's daddy ruled our house with his fists. He was very controlling and sometimes he was very mad. He broke up with me after I found a pair of her bloody panties in the basement.
I asked him to get her checked out and he kept making excuses. I dogged it - wanting to know that she was alright. I told my sister-in-law and she called children's services.
A month after we broke up, Brianna's aunt called me. There was more going on in my house then I ever knew. Both parents lost custody of the little girl and she went to live with family.
This broke my heart and from this point on, I refused to date any men who had children. I became weird with my own family, to, and got really over protective with my nieces and nephews. It's so bad that my nine year old nephew is not allowed in a room alone with his four year old sister.
I take the baby with me when I take a shower, unless there are just the two of us here. If it is just the two of us, she is allowed to play on the computer or watch TV or whatever. She takes out the trash with me, and is kept by my side wherever I go.
Now, I am dating a man who has kids. He is the noncustodial parent, and is only allowed supervised visits for now. I've never met his daughters.
I go out of my way to make sure that the visits go right, though. I write out his check, pack his camera and always put together some tosy for him to take to them. I print the pictures out on my computer into 8x10s and hang them up around the house.
I am looking forward to, and planning the day when we can have weekend visits with them. I have made it clear to him that I want his daughters to know me away from our house before they come home, because I don't want it to be weird for them that I live here. I have been day dreaming about a little make-shift family for so long!
Last night we went shopping because the oldest one has a birthday this week. We bought her a bike and a scooter, and got the little one a big wheel. I made sure that we bought them tassles and bells and baskets and liscence plates. I put more time and preparation into this then I have for my whole family at chirstmass time!
Then I had a dream. It broke me.
In my dream, I was going to pick up the kids for a weekend visit. When I got there, I found out my ex-boyfriend was living with the kids and their mom. The oldest girl was Brianna.
There was no big blow-up. I stayed calm, but the little girl didn't want to leave her mommy, and kept hugging this child-rapist.
I am so sad. I feel like someone has died and it is killing me.
It's been four years since I have seen Brianna. She's nine now, and probably doesnt even remember me. She will be a scar on mhy soul for the rest of my life, though. How it changed my life:I think I might be crazy
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