Date: 5/16/2004 4:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 3688
I don't have any advice to offer, as I'm not a mommy so this is an arena I'm not sure how to handle but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you *hugs*  |
Date: 5/16/2004 4:21:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Thanks Dreamer...  |
Date: 5/16/2004 4:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 61811
Ermm, how about you uuhmmm. Well, comming from a kid, i dont know what to do because if i were the one under punnishment or anything, I'd hate anything I would have to do to the point of running away. lol. Maybe while they're asleep, tie them up. hahaha and then put tape over their mouths and when they awake, give them a long talk about what you would do if they didnt stop.  |
Date: 5/16/2004 4:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 16442
Threaten them with a good Texas boot camp. :D It worked for me.  |
Date: 5/16/2004 4:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 1799
punishment.. as much as we kids hate it, it makes a point. tell them what you think.. then do what is necessary.. ground him from the computer for a while. if you can't do it, get your husband to. and talk to his father about whats going on and why you're punishing. find something the girl really loves and take it away for a bit. just make sure they know why you're doing it. between you, your husband, and their dad, it should make a pretty good point when all of you are upset and doing the punishment together. if that doesn't work, there's always China.  |
Date: 5/16/2004 4:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 62338
how old are your childred...Rawhide  |
Date: 5/16/2004 4:42:00 PM
From Authorid: 49091
Your daughter sounds liek my little brother and your son wounds like my older brother. My dad has kicked Tommy (oldest bro) out before and told him not to come bck unless he is respectful and starts going to skool. Well he came back just the same, just as we all expected. Brian(younger) has had repeated talks done with my parents. With things said such as "no more Game Cube" "no tv" "no computer". You sit and read or practice your violin. And yes, he had his Game Cube taken from him till the end of the school year. And it was taken away in the beginning of April. So he can only play 2 days a week. Saturday and Sunday....POSSIBLY friday nights too. Tommy has had the cops called on him MULTIPLE times and is now currently in juvi for his 9th consecuative month. Then going to boot camp for 4 months to get his attitude ajusted. He was absolutly UNABREABLE! Everything u said turned into a fight and just like ur son, asking for the computer was a BATTLE!! He did a LOT of other things that caused him to get into juvi, but my parents think its better now. When he was out of juvi for a month. He was the most respectful boy ever. He was also not doing drugs then or drinking, so you gotta take that into consideration too. He said please and thank you. Opened doors for everyone, pulled out the ladies chairs for them, did his dishes, slept till around 10, got up, took a shower, went to meetings to get back in school. But at the time, he also had a warrent out for his arrest, so he was trying to be the best so my parents wouldnt turn on him and say ur attitude stinx and you need to go back to juvi. He knew that he was not suppsose to be at the house, but he treated everyone with such respect, that my mom lets him sleep here and take showers and eat here when he was hungry. He's said so many times that it takes a slap in the face, such as goig to juvi, to make them understand. Maybe thats what ur son needs. A BIG scare. Something that'll tell him, if you dont shape up, your gonna end up here. Possibly book him to stay in a boot camp type of thing for 2+ days and scare the heck outta him. My friend is going through this. He is in a military boot camp for 2 weeks and he's called me crying saying that he'd never messed up again and saying how bad he wants to come home and start over. Maybe that's what he needs....Im so sorry you gotta go trough this!! *huggs* I know how hard it is :-( Stay strong n keep your head held high.  |
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Date: 5/16/2004 4:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 62338
You and your husband are going to have to show them who is the parent and who is the child.Do not let them run over you because if you do they will just keep doing it.Put your foot down NOW before it is too late...Rawhide |
Date: 5/16/2004 4:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 53900
It is hard to say what to do as I am sure youhave talked til you are blue in the face and I know exactly what you are going through because I am dealing with it with my kids. My middle son hates his dad...well I dont think he reallyhates him more like they just dont always get along. Sometimes it makes me feel bad too but you have to remember that at some point what your kids do stop becoming something you can control and start becoming their own choices. Now what I would suggest is sitting your kids down and telling them exactly what you expexct. Take away all priviliges if you have to and tell them that they will only earn them back with positive behavior. Make sure they understand that you do not expect perfection that everyone has bad days but you do expect them to carry their own load and that they have to be respectful. And most importantly if you tell them something everyone has to stick to it. That is where we have a problem I will say that one of the kids is grounded and their dad will say they can go out and play even though he knows they were grounded just cause he doesnt want to hear them whine. And the last thing I have to say is dont beat yourself up all kids go through these phases especially as teenagers where they are or can be disrepectful and rebellious it is not the parents fault and most of the time there is nothing you can do except enjoy the ride cause there are bound to be lots of ups and downs along the way til they can take care of themselves  |
Date: 5/16/2004 5:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 16845
MP said exactly what I was thinking...Boot camp.......  |
Date: 5/16/2004 5:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 62503
as a child myself Im not sure what advice to offer you.. I have never thought of my mother as a failure and Im sure you truely arent... there could be other things going on in their lives too that are contributing to this behavior.. Boot camp or therapy might be good options. But please dont look at it as your fault. your children develop their behaviors on their own. But you can influence them to change.  |
Date: 5/16/2004 5:40:00 PM
From Authorid: 21867
Hmmm...I don't know the situation, but will say not to beat yourself up over it too much. However, have you tried any 'tough love' programs?? Seems the kids need to get a rather firm (but fair) reminder just WHO is in charge in your household. At the end of the day people tend to treat us how we allow them to...again...not getting at you with that...but just seems a lil 'rules and boundary' setting is in order.  |
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Date: 5/16/2004 6:39:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Im sorry I didnt reply sooner guys..company showed up..Rawhide I have four kids..the two that are giving me the hardest time are 17 and 13 (daughter is 13) I have two others..15 and 10..The 10 year old is getting harder to handle with each passing day. |
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Date: 5/16/2004 6:41:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
We dont have any programs like that around here MP...If we did I would definately consider it for my oldest especially..It seems noone cares..I have tried to get help from different areas but with NO success at all..I swear to God I am about to lose it completely..My nerves are totally shot and they just dont seem to care..I am sitting here crying my eyes out now after ANOTHER battle with my Daughter. |
Date: 5/16/2004 6:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 9713
When is the oldest going to be 18? Let him know that when he does turn 18, he's gone. If he's sitting at home all day, he doesn't have a job i'm assuming...after a week he'll be begging to come home. The 13 yr. old you just need to be firm with. 13 is a really rough age, she probably can't handle her overwhelming emotions right now. I was horrible when i was that age. But if you aren't disciplining her now, it will get worse. Next time she says something disrespectful, that night she can't go out, watch tv, go on the computer. The next time, it's worse. She'll get better. Same thing with the 10 year old. If you don't get at it while they are young, they'll think it's ok. Just let them know that it's definetley not. Try a guilt trip. Tell them, in a family meeting, how much you need to work to provide for them, how much you sacrifice, and how much it hurts you to see them abusing what you're giving them. Remind them how much you love them and you want to be proud of them, because they hav the potential for being great people and doing great things.  |
Date: 5/16/2004 7:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 53909
I'm not a mother either so I don't realy have any good advice either. Looks like a lot of people here have gave a lot of good advice though. I hope that everything gets worked out and better for you.  |
Date: 5/16/2004 7:43:00 PM
From Authorid: 58078
Don't say that you are a failure because you are not. Maybe your children have some hidden anger deep down due to the divorce or something and its coming out not. Maybe you should take them to a counselor. Your son has to get back in school as well..but sounds like you can't force him to do that so I doubt he would go to counseling either. Good luck hun...sorry I have no great advice for ya.  |
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Date: 5/16/2004 7:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 58078
*now...not not |
Date: 5/16/2004 8:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 20750
LL I am so sorry! That whomps! But from working with kids, sometimes it's best to get outside proffosianal help( They are abusers) Once that is done, the matter will be out of your hands! Do it for you & do it for them! Before something really violent happens! Huggs! I'm so sorry you are going through this!  |
Date: 5/17/2004 4:03:00 AM
From Authorid: 53558
You are not a failure, Lady Luck, so stop thinking that way. Your kids are doing what teenages do best and that is being rebellious...Hugs...  |
Date: 5/17/2004 7:16:00 AM
From Authorid: 6731
Talk if over with your husband, and the kids fathers, outline a plan of action. Then sit the kids down and take away everything that isn't needed for regular living. No tv, computer, games, books, money, anything that is a "goodie". All they get is a bed, a meal, and chores. If they don't like it tough. Tell them to get the "goodies" back they need to rethink their attitudes, and change them. Let them know that while you love them their attitudes have to change. You hold the purse strings, and you WILL take them away. Hope that helps hun.  |
Date: 5/17/2004 7:24:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
You could look for a good family therapist. I took my 14 year old to a childrens couselor..my, what a difference that made! They put her on zoloft and she has turned around 100%. I was talking to her last night about it, she said she feels so much better, she use to cry everyday, felt hopeless, depressed, never wanted to do anything, go anywhere and she HATED it whenever anyone talked to her..she says she use to think to herself "Just SHUT-UP"! She was also having panic attacks constantly. You might begin counseling by letting your kids go seperate from you and eventually go together as a family. I really recommend it.  |
Date: 5/18/2004 12:15:00 AM
From Authorid: 51070
You didn't fail as a mother. Your daughter is probably going through puberty and has a perpetual case of PMS. I don't know how to explain the son. Ground them, punish them, do what you have to to show you're in charge. Boy, if I'd acted that way with my parents, they would have taken away my computer for life! You do need to show them who's the boss and that its not them. Good luck. "hugs"  |
Date: 6/16/2004 4:55:00 PM
From Authorid: 30786
It sounds like your kids are rebelling. What are they rebelling against? Be there for them the best you can, and God bless your family  |
