I Hate My Job Kinda Day!
When you have an "I hate my job" day try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Q-tip." Be very sure that you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Take out the written material that accompanies the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested." "Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip Company."
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A Place For Me
There is a special place in life That needs my humble skill A certain job I'm meant to do that No one else can fill. The hours may be demanding, And the pay is not too good And yet I wouldn't change it For a moment if I could.
There is a special place in life A goal I must attain A Dream that I must follow For I won't be back again. There is a mark that I must leave However small it be A legacy of love for those Who follow after me.
There is a special place in life That only I may share A little path that bears my name Awaiting me somewhere. There is a hand that I must hold A word that I must say A smile that I must give For there are tears to blot away.
There is a special place in life That I was meant to fill A sunny spot where flowers grow Upon a windy hill. There's Always a Tomorrow And the Best is yet to be And Somewhere in the world I know There is a Place for Me!
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DO YOU HAVE AAADD?
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder I DO, and here is how it goes:
I decide to clean off the front patio. I start to the patio and notice mail on the desk that needs to be taken down to the Post Office. OK, I'm going to the Post Office . .. .
BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail that was delivered. I lay the car keys down on desk. After earnestly reading and discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk . . .
BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills . . . Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty coffee cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks . .. .
BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I start to head for the kitchen and look out at my balcony, notice the flowers need a drink of water because of the extreme heat. I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away . . .
BUT FIRST need to water those plants. I head for the door and . . .Aaaagh! Someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants on my balcony . . ..
BUT FIRST I need to find those checks.
END OF DAY: The patio has not been cleaned, bills still unpaid, cup still on the counter, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys . .. .
And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because . . .
I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious . . . I'd get help . . .
BUT FIRST . . . I think I'll check my e-mail. SOUND FAMILIAR??
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Jill and John were driving down the road and John swerved slightly to go past a pretty blonde jogging. Jill said, "Did you see her?" "Well, yeah." said John. "That really gets me. I've never understood that about women. She was wearing a necklace, two bracelets, hoop earrings, her nails were freshly polished with Salerno Mavala nail polish, she'd recently spritzed Chanel behind her ears, and she was wearing Yves Saint Laurent lip gloss!" Jill said. "You noticed all that?" asked John. "Yes I did. You didn't?" replied Jill. John said, "Not exactly. All I noticed was that she had legs all the way up to her very well rounded cute little butt."
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Jill reported for her university final exam which consisted of "true/false" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes. In a fit of inspiration, she took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she was all done, whereas the rest of the class was still working furiously. During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what is going on. "I finished the exam in a half hour," she said. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."
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My generation just might have been lucky. I had a drug problem when I was young, but I turned out all right.
I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions no matter the weather.I was drug to the bus stop to go to school every weekday. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults and teachers. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents.
Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behaviour in everything I do, say, and think, they are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, both Canada and the U.S. might be a better place.
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