One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister was, mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store and sent her for it. While she was gone, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, unstuffed it, restuffed it with a Cornish game hen, put stuffing back over the top of it, and put it back in the oven. When it came time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out this little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Patricia, you killed a pregnant bird!!!!” At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took my mother two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs.
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ARE YOU TERRIFIED OF YOUR COMPUTER?
Dictionary Of Computer Terms Are you terrified of your computer? Do you feel out of place and overwhelmed when your friends or coworkers start spouting reams of technical jargon that you will never understand? Then this dictionary is for you and will help you to get over your fear of technical terminology.
State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford. Obsolete - Any computer you own. Nanosecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
Syntax Error - Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.
GUI (pronounced gooey) - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Trackball - Another advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen.
Laptop Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS. System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
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Computer Slogans Seen On T-Shirts
Buy a one of our newest fastest PCs that will allow you to reboot even faster.
Backups? We don't NEED no steenking backups.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
Ethernet (n): Something used to catch the Etherbunny Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
My software never has bugs. lt just develops undocumented features.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error-correcting E Pluribus Modem
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are A main-frame: The biggest PC peripheral available.
<-------- The information went data way
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
DOS has the best DOS file compression around - "DEL*.*" = 100% compression
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
11th commandment: Covet not thy neighbor's new computer.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted .. Cereal Port Not Responding
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory...
Access denied! Nah nah na na nah nah!
Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk??
Ultimate office automation: Net-worked coffee.
RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
All computers wait at the same speed.
Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Go ahead, make my data!
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
E-mail returned to sender: Insufficient voltage.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Error! Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
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A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a vain attempt to do the same thing.
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