Little Susan was mother's helper.
She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the guest came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was missing.
"Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's place."
"I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan. "Daddy says he always eats like a daRn horse!"
===================
A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist.
She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch, and we'll get started.
==================
Q: Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs?
A: She needed them for the darkroom she was building.
Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q:Why did the blonde jump off the building?
A: She had just bought Always with wings.
Q: Why did the blonde keep putting quarters in the soda vending machine?
A: Because she thought she was winning.
Q: Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies?
A: Under 17 not admitted!
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
A3: Because they are easier to find in the dark.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: Why do blondes have BGIF on their shirts? A: BOOBS go in front.
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.
Q: Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
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