Martin was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess me."
===============
I just read an article stating that the Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 6th Tour de France title. In a random check for banned substances, 3 substances were found in Lance Armstrong's hotel that are banned by the French:
Toothpaste, deodorant, and soap.
================
We know a fellow who upon being told by his shrewish wife that she would dance on his grave, promptly provided for a burial at sea.
===============
." My wife is the most suspicious person in the world," complained the harried husband to a sympathetic friend. "If I come home early, she thinks I'm after something. And if I come home late, she thinks I've already had it."
===================
"What did Father say when he learned you're pregnant?" asked little Mary's mother.
little Mary answered, "Should I leave out the profanity?"
"Yes, of course!" Mary's mom replied.
"Nothing."
===================
Marvin had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, laid on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked Marvin a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
==================
The following are some classic written excuses given to teachers in the Alburquerque public school system:
"Please excuse Dianne from being absent yeaterday. She was in bed with gramps."
"Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault."
"Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side."
"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face."
"Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor."
"Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over."
"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him."
"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part."
"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines."
"Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip."
You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click hereScroll all the way down to read replies.Show all stories by Author:  27583 ( Click here )
Spring is coming |
