When a blonde finally got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked,how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, "...and upon rising the coffee is ready!"
A few weeks later the blonde wife was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there's one thing I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"
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What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A visitor
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A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly after this started, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and asked her to go to Germany and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied "Just send me a postcard and write "sauerkraut" on the back"
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Germany. Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained "Dear, you recieved a very strange post card
in the mail today and I dont understand what it means." The doctor said "Just wait until I get home and read it and I will explain it to you". Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack and died So the wife picked up the card and read "Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut - Two with , two without".
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Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog CRAP, 20 feet back."
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Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. "What's wrong?" The depressed one replied, "I've been married four times and every one of my husbands has passed away."
The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?"
The depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician."
And the other said, "Oh, I see, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go..."
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Dentist: "Try to relax. I'll pull that aching tooth in five minutes."
Patient: "How much will this cost?"
Dentist: "It'll be $100."
Patient: "That much for just five minutes work?"
Dentist: "Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly."
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Things that make you go. Hmmm.....
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is in whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks?
How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
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