I am a senior citizen. During the Clinton Administration I had an extremely good and well paying job. I took numerous vacations and had several vacations homes.
Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse: I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War.
I lost my home.
I lost my health insurance.
As a matter of fact, I lost virtually everything and became homeless. Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me.
I will do anything to insure President Bush's defeat in the next election.
I will do anything that Senator Kerry wants to insure that a Democrat is back in the White House come next year. Bush has to go.
I just thought you and your listeners would like to know how one senior citizen views the Bush Administration.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
Sincerely, Sadaam Hussein
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One-day Schedule for The 2004 Republican National Convention The first day and almost all the issues seem to be covered:
The 2004 Republican National Convention (New York City)
10:00 am: Opening Ceremony: Pat Boone accompanies Lee Greenwood singing "I'm Proud to be an American"
10:05 am: Vote on motion to go into Closed Session. (If motion fails, Justice Antonin Scalia will announce that all media must turn off audio and video recording devices.)
10:30 am: Katherine Harris speaks on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
10:45 am: Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
11:00 am: Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
11:10 am: Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Birth Control Should Be Outlawed"
11:30 am: Rush Limbaugh - "Just Say No To Drugs"
11:45 am: Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"
12:00 noon: Singing of "God Bless America" and big screen projection of "Blue Angels" fly-over
12:04 pm: Lunch Break - steak with vegetable sides of ketchup and relish, yellow cake
12:30 pm: Oliver North - "Never Trade Arms with Terrorists"
1:00 pm: Reps. Doolittle and DeLay speak on the GOP congressional agenda.
1:30 pm: Group cheer--Global-warming-schmobal warming!
1:35 pm: GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell and Condi Rice
2:00 pm: Accounting for Beginners--"Tax Cuts are Good for Deficit Reduction"
2:30 pm: Labor Secretary Elaine Chao speaks on "Economic Growth Through Job Exportation"
3:00 pm: Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
3:30 pm: Unveiling of "The Guide to Imperialism" by the Heritage Foundation
4:00 pm: Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
4:15 pm: "Eradicate Poor People" Happy Hour (guided sight-seeing buses leaving for Harlem every 10 minutes)
6:00 pm: Dinner Break: Texas-Style Endangered Species Barbeque
7:00 pm: John Ashcroft leads ceremonial burning of the Bill of Rights
(Note to convention hall staff - make sure statue of Justice is fully clothed)
7:15 pm: George W. Bush video tribute "Higher than a Kite: Portrait of a Fighter Pilot"
7:30 pm: Vote on motion to put image of Ronald Reagan on one dollar bill
Keynote Speech by Richard Cheney (Exact time TBA, depending on his arrival from secret bunker).
8:00 pm: "Kiss butt" session with Christian Coalition
8:30 pm: Workshop on government-corporate relations by Richard Cheney
8:45 pm: Log Cabin Republicans Encounter Session-- Coming to Terms with Your Self-Hatred
9:00 pm: Assault Rifle Raffle
===============
Have you heard of the NO-CARB Diet for 2004?
NO C-heney
NO A-shcroft
NO R-umsfeld
NO B-ush
and absolutely NO RICE!
================
Humor is universal and the same joke appears in many cultures. Sometimes the stories vary tremendously but the point is the same. Here then are the story of two pious dogs. The Jewish Version:
A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. So he calls him Irving. He can't wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls Irving into the house, bragging about how smart he is. The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation. The guy points to the newspaper by the door and commands "Okay, Irving, Fetch!" Immediately, the dog climbs on to the couch and sits, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts to frown and puts on a sour face. Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy ... This constant wagging of the tail puts me in such pain, you should only know! And you think it's easy eating that dreck you call designer dog food. Forget it ... it's too salty and it gives me gas. And also the runs, but what do you care? Why don't you try it if you think it's so good? You try it. Dreck I say! Then you push me out the door to take care of my business, twice a day. It's disgusting I tell you! And when was the last time you took me for a nice long walk? I can't remember when!" The neighbor is absolutely amazed ... stunned. In astonishment, he says, "I can't believe it. Irving can speak. Your dog actually talks. Here he is sitting on the sofa talking to us." "I know, I know." says the owner. "He's not yet fully trained yet. He thought I said, 'Kvetch'."
The Christian Version:
A strong Baptist family decided to buy a home and make everything in the house Baptist. They were going to make it look and feel Baptist through and through. So when they were finished they went to a petshop to look for a Baptist dog. They asked the owner, "Do you have a Baptist dog?" Surprised, the petshop owner thought about it for a while and then nodded, saying, "Yes... yes, I think we have a dog that will fit your description." So the owner brought out the dog to the family, and the father said, "Let's see if this is a real Baptist dog." So the father said to the dog, "Go get a Bible." And the dog ran over to a table, grabbed a Bible in its mouth, ran back to the man and plopped the book at his feet. Impressed, the father continued, "Let's see if this dog knows its books of the Bible... Turn to Psalm 23." The dog then opened the Bible with its snout and pawed through the pages to Psalm 23. Very pleased, the father bought the dog and brought it home. The next day, the family had visitors. They showed their friends the Baptist dog and the things it could do. Finally, the friends asked, "Well, can it do any other tricks that normal dogs do?" The Baptist father wondered and said, "Hmm, I don't know. I've never tried." He then ordered the dog, "Heel." Suddenly the dog leaped onto the father's lap and placed its paw on the man's head and started to pray. "Wait a minute!" exclaimed the Baptist mother, "This dog isn't Baptist! It's Pentecostal!"
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