Date: 8/5/2004 5:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
The baby can't help who it's parents are. To pass your feelings about your brothers onto an innocent child, I do think is wrong, sorry.  |
Date: 8/5/2004 6:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 62249
Don't worry about it, it's not YOUR kid.  |
Date: 8/5/2004 6:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 62599
Im sorry to say bases comment totally confused me. If mark is not your brother anymore then the baby is not your niece/nephew either, it doesn't really concern you at all. I wouldn't ever fall out of touch with my brothers, then again, we still live in the same house so i can't be sure.  |
Date: 8/5/2004 6:09:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 57232
I can't help it, we are that bad about how we are to each other, but I try to be a decent person, I guess when the child is older, oh I don't know  |
Date: 8/5/2004 6:17:00 PM
From Authorid: 16845
I hate to say it, but I agree with Base....At this time though i probably would not worry about it alot. They've been seeing each other for 2 months....so they may go their seperate ways then it won't even really be an issue...  |
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Date: 8/5/2004 6:28:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 57232
My dad wants for him to ask her for a blood test, she was dating someone else right before him. It's actually been 2 weeks, so they might of not been together 2 months but a month and some. My brothers are really rotten people, I just don't know how to feel about it all. Jeff and I actually understand each other more, when he gets girlfriends he will all of a sudden "talk" to me, but only if it is in front of one of the girls. |
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Date: 8/5/2004 6:33:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 57232
It's sad but it's that bad that if my mother were ever to pass away I would just go on my own way |
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Date: 8/5/2004 6:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
that is sad, there's no way that the differences can ever be put aside or no chance that the relationship between you guys will ever change? |
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Date: 8/5/2004 6:41:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 57232
Well me and Jeff over the years have had some change, but that is when he has girlfriends. I think he's trying to say look how I treat my sister, this is how I will treat you, so he'll put on an act. But Mark is VERY cold to me. He's really conceited and in love with himself, he actually gets angry when I get sick, he gets angry because I'm here during the summers and he gets angry because my mom still has to help me out insurance wise (almost $400 a month just on insurance related things with me), although my mom has to spend a LOT on him. He's jusr really petty, I don't know, I just don't know. |
Date: 8/5/2004 7:28:00 PM
From Authorid: 1799
i can see what Base is saying.. but its not really your issue. its not your baby, so you don't need to be in it's life. i think they'll get over not knowing an aunt. besides, that MS comment just irked me.. my mom has MS, and if someone said that to me, i wouldn't even be nice to them.. ur nicer than i am... so no, i don't think your a bad person. you have a right to a choice. besides, why go over to see the kid when your brother might be a jerk about it? maybe when they're older, than you can talk.. but i dunno... parents tend to pass down a lot of their attitude...  |
Date: 8/5/2004 7:40:00 PM
From Authorid: 49101
I also agree with Base. Being the eldest it should come more easily to you to understand your siblings, and at least try to give your mother some peace of mind. My sisters and I have horendous arguments all the time but we have always patched things up. My sisters have thrown things in my face, way back from when I was 13 and EARLIER. (I am 26 now, and also the eldest) But we have always made things work out. It is sad you don't care about being aunty, it has imporoved my life very much having my two nephews. They are my little darlings. Babies should never be seen as bad news or a burden or a waste, it produces very bad Karma. And you would be surprised at how amazing it is to be aunty. I can only hope that this baby helps bring the three of you together. It is a pitty to waste so much time on a childish argument from years ago, before you were all adults.  |
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Date: 8/5/2004 7:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 49101
Also in readiong a comment here, many times a younger sibling will behave that way about your being sick, NOT because they are jealous, but because they are angry at you. WHY would he be angry? Because the youngest children, have aproblem with accepting that thier family members are mortal. It sounds weird I know, but when I my mother first became sick I acted alittle like that. I was angry because I had to face that she would not always be here. I tried not to take it out on her, and until I saw a counselor I just didn't understand why I was so angry at her. |
Date: 8/5/2004 7:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 25756
I don't have any experience with these kinds of things, but at least if the baby (after it's born) ever wants to play or talk with you, don't ignore her just because (s)he's your brother's offspring.  |
Date: 8/5/2004 8:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 62753
Hey B.Monkey --- you know I have some family members that haven't always been good to me, and I could tell you some things that would boil your blood about some of my family members, but here's the thing B , who cares what anyone thinks about you , including blood. I mean come on - who are you living for, YOU or them? If you don't like them, then hey it's your choice right... even if you are wrong in your choice dear, it's still your choice.... PERIOD... you sound like a smart person, and I am sure you got your reasons for disowning them! Im here for you - good luck in all you do - and remember live for you! Lizard-1  |
Date: 8/5/2004 8:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 35114
No, I think it's okay. I sort of have the same thing in my faily. Nothing I care to speak of, of course.  |
Date: 8/5/2004 8:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 8278
honestly, i DO think it is your choice to be in the childs life or not. but I hope, if you choose not to, that it is not shown on the child. meaning don't treat it bad or ignore it if it happens to speak to you when they are older. you dont have to be in the childs life if you dont want to...but dont hold it against them in the future and show any dislike towards them. the child is innocent in all of this.  |
Date: 8/6/2004 12:37:00 AM
From Authorid: 11348
I don't think you're wrong in this situation. You and your brother don't get along, which means there is no reason that you should make any effort to reach out to the baby either... it could just cause more animosity between you and your brother. This does not mean I think that if you are around this baby, you should treat it as you do your brother.... but you don't need to reach out and make an effort to bond. I would say as the baby grows up, if you and your brother are still not on speaking terms, just be polite to your brother's child. There is no reason you should feel a responsibility toward it right now, when you and your brother are so distant. I do hope everything gets a little better.... If I were you, I would write your brother a long note telling him exactly how you feel about everything. Communication is very important, and if it doesn't help to clear the air, at least then you could say you tried.  |
Date: 8/6/2004 12:55:00 AM
From Authorid: 58308
My oldest sister and I aren't on speaking terms and haven't been for over a year now. She has turned herself into a drunk and spends all of her money on booze then she wonders why she doesn't have enough money to pay her bills. I used to give her money all of the time when she needed it and then I quit my job to take care of Matt (No one wants to sit with a mentally ill child) and just don't have the extra funds like I used to. Gail got mad at me for not having any money to give her and hasn't spoken to me since. I feel terrible about it, yes, but at the same time, it's on her shoulders. I have three nephews by her. I only get to see two of them because they are old enough to drive, but I don't get to see Jeremy and that's what hurts. He's only 6 years old and I really miss him. I know what you mean when you say it's tearing your parents heart out, my mom and dad are really upset about Gail and I but it's like I've told them... I'm not going out of my way to make things right with her since it's really not my fault she's mad at me to begin with. Anywho... I hope you get your problems worked out with your brothers really soon. *smiles*  |
Date: 8/6/2004 6:16:00 AM
From Authorid: 46527
Being born into the same family does not automatically mean that we have to get along with each other.  |
Date: 8/6/2004 7:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 51635
My sister and I have had some really blow out fights, but we would never not speak to eachother for that long. We know we love eachother. We know that you get to pick your friends but you're stuck with family. And since we lost our brother when he was 17, I think we have a different perspective on the whole sibling thing. From my point of view, you're lucky to have two brothers, I'd give anything to have mine back. No matter what happens in life, no matter how you do/don't get along, you should still have that "family love" that never dies, though it may fade some from time to time. That is your connection to his child, even if its not his through blood, if he takes it as his own and is his family, there is a connection. I may not like my sister all the time, I've gone years with out liking her, but I did and will always love her. And time and again she will get another chance in my life and in my heart. I guess my point is that you never really know what you have until you've lost it... I hope the three of you never feel regret for how you treat eachother, or the time you've lost...  |
Date: 8/6/2004 9:36:00 AM
From Authorid: 4144
your brothers are just people. everybody is related to somebody, right? i have a relative (or 2) that's about as worthless as hen poop on the pump handle. just because they are related to me don't make them good. but....as far as the baby goes, you can't really decide right now that you want nothing to do with it. the baby's parents may not want you to have anything to do with it since you are such an awful person that had alchol poisoning (kidding!) but that's up to them and not your problem. you never know, you might like the kid!! i had a couple of relatives i didn't want my kid left alone with. that was a safety issue if you know what i mean. if the baby's mother wants you to see the baby i would see it and be an aunt. the little critters can be fun.......sometimes!  |
Date: 8/6/2004 6:28:00 PM
From Authorid: 53427
Well as long as you didn't hurt the childs feelings in any way (which I KNOW you wouldn't) I think its ok. Hopefully down the road, (after giving your brothers time to grow up more) things might improve with your relationship. And Mama Bug is right. Babies are loads of fun, especially when you can give them back to their mama or daddy when you've had enough.  |
