Billy Joe came visitin' up north, and decided he wanted to do something he could never do in the south... SNOW SKIING. Unfortunately, before he ever made it UP the hill so he could try and come DOWN the hill, he was knocked unconscious by the chairlift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but they said they were refusing to cover the injury. "WHAT?!" yelled Billy Joe into the phone. "And why wouldn't you cover an injury like this?" "You got hit in the head by a chairlift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot... and we consider that to be a pre-existing condition."
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Friendly Quotes to remember
"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you." -Elbert Hubbard
"Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find one good you must one hundred try." -Claude Mermet
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same." -Anonymous
"A friend loves at all times." -The Bible: Proverbs 17, 17.
"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures." -Kahil Gibran
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." -Walter Winchell
"A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails." -Anonymous
"A faithful friend is the medicine of life." -Apocrypha
"Count your age with friends but not with years." -Anonymous
"Plant a seed of friendship; reap a bouquet of happiness." -Lois L. Kaufman
"No man is useless while he has a friend." -Robert Louis Stevenson
"A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else." -Len Wein
"Good friends are good for your health." -Irwin Sarason
"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!" -Doug Larson
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Reflections
"Who am I today?" I ask.. And I wonder if I even know. I know the past has shaped me now, Even though the past was long ago.
The little moments form a blur, The times both happy and sad, All the people I once knew, And the things I used to have.
They all helped me to become Where, what and who I am now, Because everything has influenced me, I'm not sure exactly how.
But I'm thankful for the memories, Even of the people I've never really met, For the people I miss, the people I love, And even the people I'd like to forget.
For these memories have helped me grow, They've made me calm, yet strong, And now there's a story to my life, That they've been writing all along.
So, thank you for the memories. Without them, I don't know who I'd be - Because somewhere among these memories Are the things that define me.
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Saint Peter was checking the gate between Heaven and Hell and found a broken hinge. He walked over to the “Pit” and called to the Devil...The Devil says, “Yeah, whaddya want..?”, St. Peter: “The hinge is broken and it’s your turn to fix it..” . The Devil retorted: “Gee, I am a bit busy and don’t have anyone available for this..”, St. Peter got angry, “Look, we have an agreement, and it’s your turn to fix the gate..!” , The Devil responded, “Sorry Pete, it’s our peak season and there just isn’t anyone available...” St. Peter turned red and exclaimed...”Ok, if that’s the way you want it, we’ll sue..!” A big grin broke out on the Devil’s face, “Oh yeah, and just where are you going to find a lawyer...?!”
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Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. After a bit of small talk while resuming the journey, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. “What’s in the bag?” asked the woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.” The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, “Good trade.”
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You Know It's Time To Diet When....
You dance and it makes the band skip.
You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.
You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
You could sell shade.
Your blood type is Ragu.
You need an appointment to attend an ' open house'.
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A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming.
She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
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Why is marriage is like a violin? After all the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
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You know you're growing old when your knees buckle and your belt won't!
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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper!
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His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer. She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products. Finally, when she was done, she turned to her husband and said, "Honey, honestly now, what age would you say I am?" He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said, "Well, judging from your skin, twenty. Your hair, eighteen. Your figure, twenty-five." "Oh, you're so sweet!" "Well, hang on, I'm not done adding it up yet."
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How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
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Bedtime Prayer (for women)
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong. He's not afraid to admit it when he's wrong.
One who thinks before he speaks. When he promises to call, he doesn't wait 6 weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed and won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind. Knows just what to say when I ask, "How fat is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end, And would never compare me with my best girlfriend.
Thank You in advance and now I'll just wait, for I know You will send him before it's too late.
Amen.
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