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Should I contact him or let sleeping dogs lie? HELP!

  Author:  30786  Category:(General Advice) Created:(9/28/2004 2:34:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (871 times)

I dated this guy "Craig" for a couple of months, and it ended rather badly. I found out that he was lying to me about numerous things, ripping me off out of money (long story) and I heard from several people that he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend. Furthermore, even in the short time we were together, he was very controlling, possessive, and jealous. He would try to fight every guy who talked to me when we went out. He also insisted that I call him and let him know everytime I went out, even if it was to just visit a girlfriend. Craig would also flirt heavily and be all over other girls when I was right there. Needless to say, I broke up with him immediately and haven't had contact with him since. I haven't missed him at all, and quite frankly, I wouldn't care if I ever saw the guy again (he lives 4 hours away from me, so I haven't seen him since)

Since the breakup, it has been difficult only in the respect that Craig's brother is marrying my sister (There's the twist!) and his brother has always believed that I broke poor Craig's heart, and hasn't been warm to me since.

Well, it's now been 8 months after I broke up with him, and he just emailed me saying how he wants to keep in touch with me and stay friends, and how he hopes I've "forgotten everything" WHAT???

Okay, so does anyone have some thoughts on what I should do here? I don't want to have contact with this guy, I don't see the need or feel the want to, but at the same time, I don't want to make his brother more upset at me for not accepting, and therefore cause problems between my sister and him. Should I just forget about the whole thing, and be nice to him anyways for peace's sake? Or stand my ground and don't respond?

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Replies:      
Date: 9/28/2004 2:42:00 PM  From Authorid: 52489    Craig sounds terribly selfish, and thoughtless. Don't keep in touch with him. If he's going to be an in-law, so what! Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to like them.  
Date: 9/28/2004 3:19:00 PM  From Authorid: 53284    So, no matter what you do, he will become a member of the family. If I were in your shoes, I would be polite when I saw him at a family function but other than that I wouldn't have anything to do with him. He has already proved to you that he is a jerk. So, there are times in this life, where you just have to tolerate another person. Since he lives so far away I don' think that you'll have to see him to much. When you actually have to interact with him, make sure others are around and treat him as you would any other family member that you're not to fond of. Other than that I wouldn't have anything to do with him.  
Date: 9/28/2004 3:21:00 PM  From Authorid: 46527    He sounds like a complete idiot BUT it will make relations between you and your sister difficult if you choose to ignore him. Be the bigger person and just smile through gritted teeth....after all..no one can see what you're thinking! LOL!  
Date: 9/28/2004 3:52:00 PM  From Authorid: 8726    Take my advice hun and stay away from this guy at all cost, he sounds like the perfect combo of my ex husband and my high school boyfriend, Not only was I caused alot of pain I was really messed up and recontacting them after a long time made it all worse, please dont contact him or go back to him, he hasnt changed and never will. After a while all the things that he did to you he will start doing again. so the best thing for you is to stay away. hugs hope everything works out for you and believe me, you will find someone new and better :)  
Date: 9/28/2004 5:09:00 PM  From Authorid: 47218    woah-- complicated situation! This guy sounds like bad news. Y'know, despite how your brother-in-law may feel about it, I think you really ought to keep your distance from this person. Manipulative jerks such as this have a tendency to appear out of nowhere, act all low-key and like nothing was ever wrong, so that they can weasel their way back into your life by acting all sweet and nice all of sudden, and then cause everything to go to heck all over again. So I caution you. Your brother-in-law is just going to have to accept that your relationship with his brother is never going to be a close or particularly warm one, because this is your personal safety and sanity that we're talking about!  
Date: 9/28/2004 5:17:00 PM  From Authorid: 22308    i think you need to talk to his brother and explain everything to him that went wrong in that relationship. then i think you should e-mail your ex back and tell him you don't want to have any contact with him for 1. cause of what he did to you and 2. cause you can't just forget about everything that happened and pretend like everything is peachy keen. you definitely need to stand your ground here.  
Date: 9/28/2004 8:10:00 PM  From Authorid: 24003    I agree with LSR.  
Date: 9/29/2004 5:47:00 AM  From Authorid: 25390    Since he will become a part of the family, I'm afraid it will probably get tough to ignore him, as you will probably run in to him some time or another. I would ignore him outside of family get togethers. But when you do HAVE to see him, be polite to him. Other than that, there's really no reason to talk to him, as you're right, he's a jerk.  
Date: 9/29/2004 5:38:00 PM  From Authorid: 12103    No dont forgive him! That is just plain stupid stupid stupid!!! I mean i am SORRRY if his brother is all cold shoulder to you cause "you broke his heart" does his brother know the real story? You should talk to your brother-in-law so he knows what really happend and if he dont accept it and still is rude to you, then thats on him! I would explain that your ex was rude to you and so therefor you dont wish to speak to him anymore, simple as that! Just cause he is your bother in laws brother dont mean that you have to be nice to him. So, NO! You shouldnt gravel down and talk to your ex.
  

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