Date: 3/27/2008 10:28:00 PM
From Authorid: 62100
I don't know..what's the entire situation??  |
Date: 3/27/2008 10:28:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
step back and be ready to catch them when they fall.  |
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Date: 3/27/2008 10:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
unless its illegal then I would turn their butts in. |
Date: 3/27/2008 10:41:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 855
well I have a daughter 22 and one about to turn 21, and a daughter 12 and a son who is 9,The two oldest daughters both live at home, they do go out..but it makes me mad when they dont tell me where they are going,I know they are grown up but god I need to know where they are, but when I ask them about where are going they get so mad at me, tell me to go drink a beer and mellow out... they get mad if i get a six pack and drink...Now I am not a drunk and my hubby is gone all week because he is a truck driver, so I have to deal with everything at home here, so yea i drink a few beers but not like they think I do, I get so bored at home..I dont have a job. my hubby makes enough so I dont have to, which sucks because I do want to work but I just cant until our kids are old enough to stay home alone.I think right now I'm so at a point in my life something needs to give..
Dawn  |
Date: 3/27/2008 10:42:00 PM
From Authorid: 61933
you know I have to agree with magoo... my daughter once climbed up into a tree (she was three) and I had told her NOT to do it. But she did it anyway, and when I founder her up there I told her to come down (she was about 6 ft up into the tree) She insisted on doing it herself so all I could do was stand under her incase she lost her footing I would be there to catch her. She got to a tricky part and wanted help, I told her no she got there she could finish it. I still stood there incase she fell i could get her, but in the end she did it herself without help from mommy, but mommy was always there to catch her if she fell. Hope that makes some sense {{hugs}}  |
Date: 3/27/2008 11:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 19625
It doesn't matter if they think you're butting in, they are adults yes, but if privacy is THAT important to them they shouldn't be living at home. If they want to live in your house they should do what it takes to make you comfortable. I mean, would they rather you go through their stuff to find out where they're going? Probably not. They sound like they could stand to grow up a little. And unless your drinking concerns them, (in which case they should sit down and have a rational, open discussion with you about it) then They have no right to criticize what you do with your personal time.  |
Date: 3/27/2008 11:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 26303
Yep, whilst they are living under your roof, they need to tell you where they are thinking of going and roughly what time they think they'll be home. Fair enough request. But we all know they will not understand this concept until they are mothers themselves. So I guess you will just have to keep on 'nagging' them, but when they yell back, just smile and nod and walk away. That'll annoy the, the, you know outta them! Your a mum, you know you can't get it right! Geez, they know so much more than you! LOL.  |
Date: 3/28/2008 2:41:00 AM
From Authorid: 63961
Dawn, I don't think you're a bad mother at all. If anything, that's a sure sign that you are a loving, caring, mother. Your two oldest daughters are just exhibiting their "independence". I'll use a strange but effective analogy for this (I love analogies) -- Let's think of this situation of the struggle between a county, and an independent city. Independent cities are independent of county government, whereas they have their own government--but the city is not a county, it's just that--a city. And the county is a completely seperate entity. For example, St. Louis and St. Louis County are two different entities, each independent--even though St. Louis, lies within the county territory, it's independent from the county. So, your daughters, old enough to move out, or vote, drink, and smoke, and all of the legalities of becoming that age, feel independent enough to go out when they want to and come home when they want to. The only problem here is, they are not considering your feelings--i.e. not telling you where they are going. I can understand that they get mad about that, I used to, but when I realized that when I am in my parent's house, it's out of RESPECT that I tell them where I am going and when I'm going to be back (or really--what time would be appropriate for them for me to be home by). They aren't wrongful in the respect that they do not see that point, but they are in the fact that they are living under your roof, using your resources, and not expect you to still be a 'parent'. You're not wrong for feeling this way, hun. And, sorry I got too detailed with the analogy. :D  |
Date: 3/28/2008 4:58:00 AM
From Authorid: 63241
I've been through trials & tribulations with my own (now 28 years old) daughter. Yes, you have the right to know where they're going and how long they'll be out as long as they live under your roof. Anything can happen nowadays with predators running rampant. And, until they have children of their own, they can't comprehend a mother's love and worry over her children that lasts their entire life. They really need to cut you some slack here. When all their so-called friends let them down or use them, when all is said and done, their best friend is mom. I hope they don't realize that fact too late in life, after you're gone.  |
Date: 3/28/2008 5:33:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
The girls are living in your house, you have every right to make the rules. If they don't like the rules or your demands they can move out. Have you thought about volunteering at your kids school? The PTA can always use help. I know woman that use volunteering as a way of getting there foot in the door and getting on as an aide or working in the cafeteria.  |
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Date: 3/28/2008 5:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 64567
When my husband and I seperated and I moved back home to get on my feet my mother requested the same things as you. I felt like she was still treating me as a child but she had every right to. It was her house and her rules. Your not a bad mom your a great and caring mother! |
Date: 3/28/2008 6:18:00 AM
From Authorid: 48809
I would ask them.... if they don't like the way things are at home, then why are they still there? It is your house and you should have rules that should be followed and so if they do not see fit to follow them... then the "Free lunch" is over and they can go elsewhere.  |
Date: 3/28/2008 6:35:00 AM
From Authorid: 28848
Why are they still living at home at the ages of 21 and 22?  |
Date: 3/28/2008 7:44:00 AM
From Authorid: 21903
I definately think that you need to go back to work, you sound like you need to be doing something (I understand waiting a couple more years for your kids to get a little older). As for the oldest 2, I've been there (recently, I am only 25). I think they don't appreciate what they have...they don't know how to b/c they have never NOT had it (I am assuming). I was like this with my mother until I was about 20; at 19 I moved into my own apartment in the city I went to school in (an hour away from home) and did not spend my summers or entire vacations at home any more and I came to miss her and wish she was around more. I now look back and feel really bad for my behavior; your daughters may feel the same when they move out. I hope things get better for you; just hang in there! *HUGS*  |
Date: 3/28/2008 7:56:00 AM
From Authorid: 62823
Just remember...your children are where they are today because you loved and nurtured them. You educated them. They are a reflection of you and your husband. As they develop their individuality though, they will forget all you did for them. This is common. They have also reached a point of cleverness. They know your weaknesses and they will use them against you. What you need to do is remind them that you are the captain of your ship (in the best way that you know how. Seriously, do not feel like you are a failure because you have a few beers and are a housemom right now. Your job has not been easy and you worked hard to get to this point. You deserve your peaceful moments to do what makes you happy and you deserve respect from them. In fact, I would demand it. You are the boss and always will be. If they worked at a job or if they were enlisted in the service they would HAVE to abide by the rules. Your home is no different. Dawn, keep at it and give yourself a pat on the back. Raising a family today is one of the most difficult and challenging jobs of all and you are doing the best that you can do. They're so lucky to have you as their Mom. Someday they will realize this.  |
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Date: 3/28/2008 8:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 13119
how many is a few beers and how often may be the questions you should be asking yourself. My original comments were for your first post "what do you do when they just think your butting in?" Now with the additional info, I don't think any of us can really comment because we don't know the situation, only the portion you have stated. Who knows, maybe they are concerned or disgusted and maybe they are concerned about their younger siblings thats why they stay, or you are right and they are just picking on you. who knows. |
Date: 3/28/2008 8:48:00 AM
From Authorid: 15157
Stop right there you are not a bad Mom. When is a Mom suppose to have a break?...Never?...Do they think you are Superhuman?...What has happened to respect of the Parents nowadays. Hunny I think you need to grid your Loins and turn into the LIONESS you need to be in your Household. I think your family has a hold on you so hard you think you are now a bad Mom...on the contrary...You need a vacation from them. Please say you will pamper yourself with that Income Tax Relieve BUSH is sending you in the Mail.:D (((((Hugs))))  |
Date: 3/28/2008 10:03:00 AM
From Authorid: 61847
You aren't a bad mom. You made choices. I believe that if you are still living under your parents roof, you have to live by their rules. I still am required to check in and stuff with my family when I come home. Phone calls and all. You're not a bad mom, don't let them tell you otherwise. *hugs*  |
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Date: 3/28/2008 10:22:00 AM
From Authorid: 62100
I don't think that you are a bad mom at all...I think that you are well within your rights to demand respect for your rules when they still live under your roof..and as for what you do, YOU are the adult and it is YOUR home..if they don't like it..show them a one way ticket to real adulthood by evicting them..;) |
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Date: 3/28/2008 10:25:00 AM
From Authorid: 62100
Also..if your daughters are living at home and not paying rent..and you'd like to get out and adopt a hobby or take a part time job or just something to get out..guess what?? the two girls would be taking care of the younger ones..call it payment for services rendered (ie roof over their head, electricity, water, food...)... |
Date: 3/28/2008 10:25:00 AM
From Authorid: 4231
Your house, your rules. You have every right to know where they are when they go out regardless of age if they are living under your roof. I am 23 and I live on my own, but if I lived at home I would tell my parents where I was going out. Its a mutual respect....your not a bad mother. A bad mother would be one who didnt care where her children were.  |
Date: 3/28/2008 11:35:00 AM
From Authorid: 57079
I'm 20 and live at home and I always tell my parents where I am going, it's a respect thing, their house, their rules, and when I respect them, they tend to be more relaxed with me, and let me do my own thing, your not a bad mom at all! Just tell them that they need to shape up or ship out! Thats what my mom is telling my brother, who is disrespectful and rude, as soon as he turns 18, if he's not doing what he needs to be doing then he doesn't need to live at home! You are no longer responsible for them and they need to learn that if they want that free ride from you (as far as a place to live) then they need to learn to respect you!  |
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Date: 3/28/2008 2:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
I understand everyone about the MUTUAL respect thing but we don't know the whole story, we don't know what Dawn is like. I for one have a problem with the subject of alcohol being the focus of the girls' anger, maybe there is too much drinking. A six pack is enough to get a person hammered and to say it calmly like it is normal to drink a six pack in a sitting is not responsible or respectful to those who have to deal with it.
I for one would like more info before I say that the girls are evil incarnate. |
Date: 3/28/2008 3:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 62983
On the alcohol issue I have to agree with Magoo here. I gave my mother the respect of telling her where I was going and when I was coming back. Even after I moved out of the house. If I went away for the weekend I let her know I would be gone. But, my attitude may have been different if alcohol was in the house, and I perceived that to be a problem. I don't think that having a drink makes you a bad mom. The question is the behavior that accompanies it. I think that you should sit down as a family and talk it out. Tell them what is expected of them, and let them know you need help around the house and with the younger children. Not communicating will only add to your frustration and more tension in the home.  |
Date: 3/28/2008 3:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 11240
My personal assessment of your situation is that you may be a little bit bummed out that they don't as you to go out with them . . . God Bless.  |
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Date: 3/28/2008 5:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
You say you can't get a job until the kids are old enough to stay by themselves but they are in school all day, that is an excuse. Sorry for the harshness but self pity over a situation that you can change is not something I condone. |
Date: 3/28/2008 11:41:00 PM
From Authorid: 3321
Your daughters are old enough to where they need to sit down with you and have a grown up discussion. They are old enough to at least attempt to understand where you are coming from and support your decisions. If they want to act like adults, then they need to interact like them as well.  |
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Date: 3/29/2008 10:02:00 AM
From Authorid: 11240
Whoops. I just read my comment as see I left out a "k": That should read "ask you" . . . God Bless. |
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Date: 3/30/2008 8:53:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 855
Well as far as me getting a job..yea the kids are in school during the day from 8am until 2:35,yea I would love to find a job that would let me work like 8:15am, until 2:30, so that i will be here after school,but do you know any place you can get a job and say hey this is was i can work...umm no. I tried
Dawn |
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Date: 3/30/2008 10:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
Wow! exact same comment you PMd to me. Same response, here goes: You can get a job at any big box store, when you apply you write in the hours you can work. I should add that you can get a job at any fast food restraunt as well. It is an excuse and until you are willing to help yourself you are going to continue to wallow. |
