You May Get Over a Breakup Sooner Than You Think
A famous Neil Sedaka song once claimed that breaking up is hard to do. It’s true that many people assume the end of a long relationship would be devastating for months – or even years – to come! According to a new study we found on LiveScience.com, breaking up is a lot less miserable than most people think.
Researchers at Northwestern University invited a hundred couples who were involved in long-term relationships to participate in the study. Once per week, each lovebird was asked to fill out a survey, in which they rated their happiness or distress in regard to their relationship. If a romance ended, volunteers were asked to rate their happiness or distress in regard to the breakup.
Here’s what happened: Within 6 months, nearly a third of those relationships came to an end and in most cases, the partners reported feeling “extremely upset” about the breakup. In fact, the average volunteer predicted it would take 5 months or more for them to move on with their lives. In follow-up surveys, the longest any of those broken-hearted people took to recover and feel happy again was 10 weeks! That’s less than HALF the time anyone had predicted. The fact is, we all have psychological defense mechanisms which help soften the blow of a breakup. Experts call these our “heartbreak helpers”.
For instance, you might suddenly focus on an ex’s bad habits – like that he breathed through his mouth all the time. Also, something that was once endearing to you – like how passionate he is about football – suddenly seems obnoxious in your mind! So by focusing on that, you convince yourself that you’re better off without that person in your life. Another built in defense mechanism we have is what psychologists call “an awakening.” Basically, people get into a comfort zone while they’re involved with someone. Then, once that relationship ends, suddenly they’re awakened to the fact that they can now do some things they couldn’t before. Like go to museums their ex-girlfriend once thought were boring! Bottom line: The heart is amazingly resilient. So no matter how bad it hurts, know that life WILL go on after a break-up – sooner than you think!
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