1) You have the bladder capacity of five people.
2) You have ever restrained someone and it was not a
sexual experience.
3) You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good
air.
4) Your idea of a good time is a "man with a gun"
call.
5) You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who
seems friendly towards
you.
6) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and
birth control pills.
7) You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what
you see.
8) You have your weekends off planned for a year.
9) You believe the government should require a permit
to reproduce.
10) You refer to your favorite restaurant by the
intersection at which it's
located.
11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled:
"Suicide...getting it
right the first time."
12) You ever had to put the phone on hold before you
begin laughing
uncontrollably.
13) You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
14) You believe anyone who says, "I only had two
beers" is going to blow
more than a .15
15) You find out a lot about paranoia just by
following people around.
16) Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people
killing other people out
there and you are here messing with me."
17) People flag you down on the street and ask you
directions to strange
places...and you know where it's located.
18) You can discuss where you are going to eat with
your partner while
standing over a dead body .
19) You are the only person introduced at social
gatherings by profession.
20) You walk into places and people think it's high
comedy to grab their
buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
21) You do not see daylight from November until May.
22) People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into
a room and think
they're being hugely funny and original.
23) A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts,
5 pairs of socks, and
5 pairs of underwear.
24) You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend",
or "this is my Friday".
25) You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a
business deduction.
26) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you
if anyone says, "Boy,
it sure is quiet tonight."
27) Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems
perfectly normal to you.
28) You find humor in other people's stupidity.
29) You have left more meals on the restaurant table
than you've eaten.
30) You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are
too tight".
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