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why can't i ever let anything good happen in my life?

  Author:  49322  Category:(Discussion) Created:(2/6/2010 9:07:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (2224 times)

it always seems that every time i fall from either a relationship or a mistake. i fall hard.. and every time i hit the bottom of the barrel. but somehow i always find a way to climb out and get on with repairing my life. just when everything has come back together and i feel safe enough to add someone into the equation it's always the right type of person to be in my life but i can't ever allow it stay in my life. it's like i'm repelled by good.. and it's awful. it's like i feel like i don't deserve anything good. i'm sure there are more than just myself who feel like that. i'm just trying to figure out a way to stay out of that mind set it's starting to affect me in a way that i'm not liking.. everythig will be fine for a while then i start to get very down and sad.. half the time i'm bad with words and i rarely make sense anymore.. i used to view myself as a strong independent woman and now i'm starting to question my strength. i've been a single mother for 6 years now i have one daughter and she is the world to me. i need to be strong for her but sometimes i just can't.. i've lost the friends that meant anything to me in one way or another.. i've had two people who i love dearly pass away in a matter of months. i moved over 2000 miles from home and i may be 24 years old but i miss my mom and my family.. all my family is in arizona while i'm in indiana. i thought the change would be good for my daughter and i but i can't help but think that sometimes the moved hurt her more than helped. but according to my ma and my family it was the best thing i could do. i needed to get away from all the bad influences and people who kept me down all the time.. even now it's hard to fathom that i actually moved and i'm here.. i've had nightmares since i moved here and i can't keep them away. i started dating someone new and he is the best thing in my life right now besides my little girl.. and i feel that i don't deserve him.. i feel like sometimes i punish him for the things my past boyfriends did to me.. i mean i trust him wholeheartedly but i still worry although i'm sure that's a natural response. he assures me everyday that he cares for me deeply which helps since it's something i didn't ever hear before.. but i swear i just can't shake the feeling that i don't deserve his love.. i have an awesome job that i feel i don't deserve as well.. even though i know i do.. and i work my rear off to make sure that everything is taken care of. i guess i'm just in an undeserving mood tonight.. just had to vent guys thanks for those of you who actually read this.. i'm sure it didn't make much sense since my head spins in a million different ways and thoughts fly at light speed..

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Date: 2/6/2010 9:17:00 PM  From Authorid: 48250    Honey, I think we all feel like this at times......the thing is though....we DO deserve GOOD things in life....we are deserving......God wants His children to have Good things-----I think when we do go through trials, tough times, it makes us appreciate all the Good things even more......don't be so hard on Yourself....You should be proud of yourself, instead....take a deep breath..in, out! lol! there ya go! ....Everything is going to be great!!...Kick that old negativity to the curb, Girl-------- & cherish each day & enjoy living, enjoy Your Blessings, You DESERVE The VERY BEST!!.....I thank God for His Love & Blessings, everyday!....Hope You feel better, we all feel the frustration every now & then....& it can be overwhelming....I just keep walking on ....Best Wishes!...T/C  
Date: 2/7/2010 8:37:00 AM  From Authorid: 48809    Try to let go of the negativity , this is so important.As long as you think you do not deserve anything good in your life...then that is exactly what you will get! Change your way of thinking and you will change your life! 'Blue' gave you good advice and I hope you will listen to her! Here is a very truthful little message that I found...but the author is unknown...it is very true!

"I encourage you to watch your negative thinking as you don't want to accidentally manifest something unfortunate for yourself. The Universe responds to our thoughts. Guard yourself or they will become your destiny!"

You may not know that whatever thoughts we hold to ourself and refuse to let go of.... will eventually make itself at home in our life..... which is what has happened to you and many more of us. If we want to change our life ...then we must change our way of thinking. Begin thinking positivally and you will eventually see it appear in your own life! Good Luck hon!
  
Date: 2/7/2010 1:11:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 49322    i have been reading the secret off and on for a couple years now.. i'm trying to apply it to every day life as far as thinking positively so that only positive comes back.. it's harder than it sounds to be honest.. but i'm trying. and yes blue i'm breathing. lol.. i just had a lapse in happiness last night. so posey and blue thank you guys.. it's hard to find people to talk to in person because everyone seems to be judging you.  
Date: 2/8/2010 12:40:00 AM  From Authorid: 64095    The first two comments were right on the money and totally what I was going to say well not so good of wording, but the whole thinking postive things will do you good. Really, just believe you deserve it, because you do, we all do, Bad things happen and its not so cool and it is very easy to get into the blah mode. I have no instant remedies for that but I can tell you you will smile and when you smile it will infect you and spread through you into your life and its contagious and things will start looking better. so go ahead even if you think of fluffy bunnies rabbits, take a second to smile. then repeat over and over again.  
Date: 2/8/2010 5:03:00 PM  From Authorid: 42519    I dont know what it is you feel. I havn't ever felt like that before. I have been depressed, but you seem to have this real down feeling about things right now. I do have a feeling I have a theory though. My soon to be husband, for the longest time, always thought I was mad at him, and would apologize constantly, and always thought he was doing something wrong when he wasn't. He was conditioned into believing things were wrong because his ex-wife never appreciated him, and beat him, pushed him down concrete stairs, cheated on him, and everything she did, made him feel like nothing he did was right. You have the same thing. You have been conditioned into believing you dont deserve the nice things in life cause you have always settled for the lesser things in life. If you feel you dont deserve your job, work harder to know you have earned it. If your boyfriend is truely understanding, he will go through this turbulant time with you, but dont expect him to put up with it forever. You will get better, but you are in control of how you feel. Your workin your rear off and your not feeling appreciated. Do something that makes you feel better. Get a haircut, go to a spa, do something that lets you be you and forget everything. You will might feel a little better.  
Date: 10/31/2010 5:40:00 PM  From Authorid: 52489    Simply put, you are going through a transition, and that's hard for everybody. You've been through some very big changes, and now you're in the process of remaking yourself, which is going to tough to do. I've done it myself, so I know.

When we divorce, we start to question our worthiness. Our "singles instincts" are stunted due to marriage, and it takes a while to get them back. Because of that, the relationships that we have usually don't work very well; if they fail, then we question our worthiness again, and the cycle renews. There's a confidence-booster process called Affirmations--it's something that you say to yourself. IALAC. "I Am Loving And Capable". Say that to yourself a few times whenever you start to think badly of yourself.

The nightmares are sympotmatic of your move, and your uncertainty. When you start feeling more sure about yourself, they should go away.

The move was probably hard for your daughter, but take care that she gets involved in play-groups with kids her own age, and do things with her and for her so that she knows that you love her; tell her that regularly so there's never any doubt.

And, keep in touch with us here at USM. Hang in there!
  
Date: 10/31/2010 7:09:00 PM  From Authorid: 64365    ...could be that you can't shake the feeling that chaos is normal for you. I've known many people who had a lot going for them, and they succeeded in extricating themselves from situations that were detrimental to their emotional, physical, and spiritual well being. However, they surrounded themselves with drama and chaos of other kinds because this was what they knew and were comfortable with. It's not enough to just pull yourself up and out of a life that hindered you. You have to change the behaviors of the past and deal with those triggers that are going to pop up on a regular basis. You know, those things that dictate if you keep doing what you always do, you're going to keep getting what you always get...

As for your current beau, if he loves you he will understand that as much as he has to deal with the your baggage from a previous relaitonship, you will also have to deal with his and he will be compassionate and understanding. HUGS
  

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