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Why Must You Do This? ---PLEASE READ THIS!----

  Author: 27396  Category:(Poetry) Created:(2/16/2001 8:28:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (825 times)

Baby do this
Baby do that
Why dont you love me
Why are you mad

I have to do this
It only seems right
I just dont want you
I dont want to fight

My heart is broken
My feelings are hurt
Your words are mistaken
Your love is like dirt

My world is crushed
My life is worthless
Your not my lover
Not just me the blame is on us

Why dont you care
This really bothers me
I wont forget you
For all eternity

Do what you must
Have what you may
We are not each others
As of today.

-KAMAKAZI


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Replies:      
Date: 2/16/2001 8:39:00 PM  From Authorid: 25046    Those are some strong words, but it gets the point across. Rosepetal  
Date: 2/16/2001 9:01:00 PM  From Authorid: 26623    i like the form  
Date: 2/16/2001 9:52:00 PM  From Authorid: 27820    "there's too much confusion...I can get no relief"

the poem does seem to be tortured, confused...it pulls in two opposite directions and that is not bad (It takes skill to create duality.) There seems to be a desire for separation, while at the same time there is a yearning for love, and even a certain dependance: "I'll never forget you / for all eternity." (Eternity seems a long time.) Careful with that diction, it might lead into mere sentimentalism, and then the poem fizzles and dies. Sentimentalism implies a unreasonable outpouring of emotion (so much senseless emotion is becomes disgusing), and that is is of interest to the writer alone.

But over all, it is nicely done.

And umm..."your" and "you're" (as in you're "not my lover" are very different indeed.

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