Date: 2/16/2001 9:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 27820
"there's too much confusion...I can get no relief"
the poem does seem to be tortured, confused...it pulls in two opposite directions and that is not bad (It takes skill to create duality.) There seems to be a desire for separation, while at the same time there is a yearning for love, and even a certain dependance: "I'll never forget you / for all eternity." (Eternity seems a long time.) Careful with that diction, it might lead into mere sentimentalism, and then the poem fizzles and dies. Sentimentalism implies a unreasonable outpouring of emotion (so much senseless emotion is becomes disgusing), and that is is of interest to the writer alone.
But over all, it is nicely done.
And umm..."your" and "you're" (as in you're "not my lover" are very different indeed. |
